you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
