the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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