I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
