textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
