So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
