my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
