Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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