From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
