your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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