Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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