Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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