Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
