I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
