I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize