My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize