Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
no you cant smoke seaweed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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