I look better un-naked...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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