The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
