oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
