There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
