I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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