oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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