Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
