Whod you bang
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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