Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
