I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
