hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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