I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
