youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
