Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
