and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
