ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
