just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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