Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
