Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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