sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize