I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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