she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
