Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
