all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
