some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize