He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You ruined the universe
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
