Your dad touched me again.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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