it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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