I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
