I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
