So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
