God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is the high leading the old right now
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
