If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize