I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
