I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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