I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
