I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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