i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
