you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
