We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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