I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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