As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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