And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The power of my boobs compel you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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