Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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